Women are optimists.
I'm sure any male reading this post is probably laughing at this opening statement, but I'll explain why I believe this to be true.
Have you ever wondered why girls are attracted to "bad boys"? Well, this can be explained using the "Half-Full postulation". This theory essentially asserts that women are attracted to "bad boys" simply because they see the potential infusion of a transformative "good" in them.
As women, it is in our character to be nurturing, loving, caring, and to be obsessed with compulsive (and often subconscious) modification of people in general. (This does not account for ALL women, of course, but just follow along). That being established, what this premise supports is the idea that women who find themselves attracted to the same "bad boys", are the very ones who possess the qualities of the women described in the "Half-Full postulation" .
Many women find themselves seeking love from certain "bad boys", and allowing themselves to be subjected to unhealthy and unproductive stagnated relationships not because they are "blinded" per se, (please refer to my What a Man Needs to Know post regarding women knowing exactly what their intentions are at all times) but because they are naturally attracted, by way of their nurturing inherent character, to the potential product that a man could possibly turn out to be. Sometimes we think that if we just stick along for long enough, the man, through our guidance and assistance, will somehow arrive at the intersection of "Aha!" and "reformation" and magically become what we want them to be.
Many of us naturally gravitate to the good in people, namely men. We have undying faith that they will be what we imagine them to be. But this recurrently proves to be worthy to be thrown upon a pile of futile attempts at the prospect of successful escapades. And because we have been this way for so long, we do not consider our circumstances dysfunctional. Little do we realize, this is because we have lived in dysfunction for so long that we have become used to it, and then attracted to it.
And then we wonder why we aren't attracted to the "good guys".
You see, the "good guys" do not fall under any inclusive compartment of the "Half-Full postulation". They just don't exist. Why? Because there is nothing to change in these men. There is no challenge presented, there is no "saving" that needs to occur... they don't need our "help". So because these men have not proven to be worthy of our nurturing, we turn our attention over to the men that do need it: The Bad Boys. These are the men that we trail after in order to redirect them onto the straight and narrow. But there is one thing that we forget.
Those of us women who fall under the "Half-Full postulation" fail to realize one thing. It has never been, nor will it ever be our job to fix anyone. And it is also most definitely not our job to fix anyone that:
1) Doesn't want to be fixed or
2) Doesn't think they need any fixing.
The most we can do for these men is to pray that the Lord finds a way to reach their hearts, and begin true, fulfilling and effective transformative restoration within these men. But we've also got to pray for ourselves as well...
Women who fall under this postulation are at great risk for the following:
1) Time wasted on futile attempts to "change" men.
2) Wasted energy towards dead end experiences.
3) Any chance with prospects that do not fall under the "Half-Full" premise, namely, "good men".
4) Perpetual unhappiness due to repeated scarring of the heart, and barring any healing from occurring because of the lack of awareness that one falls under the "Half-Full" theory.
5) Perennial disappointment.
So... how do we recover?
Welp. The first step to recovery, I believe, is admitting that, after all these years of going through the same failed experiences with men, there must be something wrong with the way that we have been dealing with our relationships. Then, I believe that there is value in taking a hiatus from the dating field, and using that time to truly reflect on the common denominators (including the red flags in your relationship) across your past partnerships, and allowing that reflection process to further shape your character. The process may be painstaking, but you'll be a lot taller after all your growing pains. I also believe that it is important to understand where one's identity lies, and if that identity is in Christ, you'll begin to see yourself more and more in need of improvement when juxtaposed with His perfection. When you allow yourself to be open to reformation through Christ, you'll definitely be saved from a lot of heartaches, and a lot of money from tubs of Oreo ice cream.
-Stay Groovy, Keep Kickin'
-Alda.
I'm sure any male reading this post is probably laughing at this opening statement, but I'll explain why I believe this to be true.
Have you ever wondered why girls are attracted to "bad boys"? Well, this can be explained using the "Half-Full postulation". This theory essentially asserts that women are attracted to "bad boys" simply because they see the potential infusion of a transformative "good" in them.
As women, it is in our character to be nurturing, loving, caring, and to be obsessed with compulsive (and often subconscious) modification of people in general. (This does not account for ALL women, of course, but just follow along). That being established, what this premise supports is the idea that women who find themselves attracted to the same "bad boys", are the very ones who possess the qualities of the women described in the "Half-Full postulation" .
Many women find themselves seeking love from certain "bad boys", and allowing themselves to be subjected to unhealthy and unproductive stagnated relationships not because they are "blinded" per se, (please refer to my What a Man Needs to Know post regarding women knowing exactly what their intentions are at all times) but because they are naturally attracted, by way of their nurturing inherent character, to the potential product that a man could possibly turn out to be. Sometimes we think that if we just stick along for long enough, the man, through our guidance and assistance, will somehow arrive at the intersection of "Aha!" and "reformation" and magically become what we want them to be.
Many of us naturally gravitate to the good in people, namely men. We have undying faith that they will be what we imagine them to be. But this recurrently proves to be worthy to be thrown upon a pile of futile attempts at the prospect of successful escapades. And because we have been this way for so long, we do not consider our circumstances dysfunctional. Little do we realize, this is because we have lived in dysfunction for so long that we have become used to it, and then attracted to it.
And then we wonder why we aren't attracted to the "good guys".
You see, the "good guys" do not fall under any inclusive compartment of the "Half-Full postulation". They just don't exist. Why? Because there is nothing to change in these men. There is no challenge presented, there is no "saving" that needs to occur... they don't need our "help". So because these men have not proven to be worthy of our nurturing, we turn our attention over to the men that do need it: The Bad Boys. These are the men that we trail after in order to redirect them onto the straight and narrow. But there is one thing that we forget.
Those of us women who fall under the "Half-Full postulation" fail to realize one thing. It has never been, nor will it ever be our job to fix anyone. And it is also most definitely not our job to fix anyone that:
1) Doesn't want to be fixed or
2) Doesn't think they need any fixing.
The most we can do for these men is to pray that the Lord finds a way to reach their hearts, and begin true, fulfilling and effective transformative restoration within these men. But we've also got to pray for ourselves as well...
Women who fall under this postulation are at great risk for the following:
1) Time wasted on futile attempts to "change" men.
2) Wasted energy towards dead end experiences.
3) Any chance with prospects that do not fall under the "Half-Full" premise, namely, "good men".
4) Perpetual unhappiness due to repeated scarring of the heart, and barring any healing from occurring because of the lack of awareness that one falls under the "Half-Full" theory.
5) Perennial disappointment.
So... how do we recover?
Welp. The first step to recovery, I believe, is admitting that, after all these years of going through the same failed experiences with men, there must be something wrong with the way that we have been dealing with our relationships. Then, I believe that there is value in taking a hiatus from the dating field, and using that time to truly reflect on the common denominators (including the red flags in your relationship) across your past partnerships, and allowing that reflection process to further shape your character. The process may be painstaking, but you'll be a lot taller after all your growing pains. I also believe that it is important to understand where one's identity lies, and if that identity is in Christ, you'll begin to see yourself more and more in need of improvement when juxtaposed with His perfection. When you allow yourself to be open to reformation through Christ, you'll definitely be saved from a lot of heartaches, and a lot of money from tubs of Oreo ice cream.
-Stay Groovy, Keep Kickin'
-Alda.
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