Aha. I have something I want to talk about.

I think it's safe to say that universally- across the board- we can agree that men are supposed to be the pursuer's of woman. And though I think that women should always have their watch guard's at attention, I don't think it is necessary for women to keep each and every one of these guards fully armed and ready to fire at any given moment once they have entered into a relationship.

I'm seeing this too often nowadays. 

There are a couple of things that really irritate me about the way that people carry themselves in relationships. The first thing people need to understand is that no- we don't know if the person we are with is going to be the person we marry. That is a given. Even still, it is not imperative that you turn yourself into a cold pillar of stone in order to not get hurt in a relationship. If you're scared, and they're scared, the full potential of what could be will not be maximized. Life is about taking risks. How will you ever know if you never step out of your comfort zone?

At this current stage of my life, I am learning what it means to love and to be loved. More specifically,  I have been trying to understand the true implication of self sacrificing love. And of course, what better source to descry and emulate such a concept than the inspired Word? 

This is not to say that I'm attempting to learn all of this information, then practicing it on everyone who catches my eye- no. It means that in my solitude, and in the building of my relationship with Yahweh, I am able to understand and internalize all that I learn, so that when the Lord presents me with the one I am to deliver this self sacrificing concept of love to- I will be ready. Unashamed, prepared, and anxious to see the fruits that Abba has planted within me. 

But through this process, I have learned a couple of things. And I thank God for the spiritually in tuned friends that I have who have been able to enlighten me with various bits of information that they have received from Wisdom herself. 

1) There is nothing that we are subject to experience that has not been passed by the throne first. 
-There is nothing that has happened, is happening now, or will happen that God doesn't already know about. If you are in a stage of deciding whether or not you are meant to be with someone, just know that even something as simple as your interaction with them is not by chance. Every detail of your life will come together for a greater purpose.

2) Make your Verdict.
-I know that because of the experiences that I have had in the past, I do not ever want to move forward with someone unless it has been ordained by Yahweh Himself. I've learned that I can sit here and pray every minute of the day for the Lord to reveal His will for me- which He will- but that I must also be proactive about making a decision. I can either wait for the Lord to communicate with me through some sort of anastatic intervention, or I can use the wisdom that He has granted me, and the people He has placed in my life in order to make a spirit led decision on what my next move will be.

3) Stop worrying.
-If you are actively pursuing an interconnection with the Most High, and you have made it your priority to seek His guidance in all that you do, and  you are willing to put in a bit of elbow grease on your part- then relax. All things will work for the good of those who are seeking to tread the road less travelled by. So. Take a load off. And stop being so afraid to take action.

So what comes next?

After you have made a spirit led decision to be with someone, you gotta let some walls down. Show them the real you. Let them know your likes and dislikes. Let them know what you're expecting from the relationship, and establish a game plan together. What do you intend on achieving through your relationship? But most importantly, What do you hope and are willing to contribute? 

Then get used to the idea of being with that person, and working to take into consideration their needs and their wants. It's not all about you anymore. A new concept called "Us" and "We" is formed, where you discard selfish desires, and adopt the new threads of we-stability, as I like to call it. You should always be learning about a different aspect of your character throughout this experience. Only then will you be able to accept that your Woman should be your Queen... your Man should be your King... and that you both operate under the watchful and loving counsel of an even greater Emperor... You should cater to the needs of each other, and dynamically pursue one another's happiness. 

We've all got a lot to ponder about. What steps will you take to build a successful relational empire?


-Alda


*Special thanks to Brittany B.- Your friendship is of far greater value to me than that of the most precious box of alabaster, and the largest quantity of Chalcedony that you can find... Thank you.

You know, it's pretty amazing to view, in retrospect, all that you've learned through a clear lens. You know what they say- hindsight is always 20-20.

Speaking of 20, that is the number of years it has taken me to understand, and get to the revelations that I have been having as of lately that pertain to my way of living. 
I just have something I need to share with those of y'all who actually take the time to read these posts- of which I am greatly appreciative. I don't write these things for myself, I write them for each and every one of us, collectively, as a community striving to achieve a higher quality of living.

As some of you know (and for those of you who don't), I am currently in Sao Jose Dos Campos, Brazil. (Long story short- I'm teaching English at a Seventh Day Adventist Association that oversees a bunch of religious stuff). Anywho, being the observant person that I am, I have mentally recorded some of the things that I have been exposed to here. 

One of the things that I have realized is that most of the people here who are my age, or in the vicinity thereof, are married. So I said- wait- this can't be. Maybe I'm just generalizing here. But then- Lo and behold- I saw that classic wedding band gracing the ring finger of each and every woman- and man-that I saw. Here is what also struck me about these couples- Most of the women (in my opinion), were not married to the most, I guess, glamorous of men. And of course, as we all know, there are some stunning Brazilian women here. But most of them were wed to common, or even slightly overweight men at times. Now, this was interesting to me, because coming from a society where looks are the primary reasons for attraction, it didn't add up. How did these slightly unnatractive men, attract the attention of these gorgeous, beautiful, modelesque (I'm sure this isn't a word, but you get the point) stunningly spectacular women?

And then I had the opportunity to witness the interactions between these couples, and even speak to a few of these men. And here's what I found:

1) These men were absolute, complete, sincere sweethearts.
-I have never in my life seen so many men, in one place, that were genuinely sincere in all of their dealings- not only with their partners, but also with everyone they interacted with. 

2) These men were hard workers.
-Though they didn't have the best of everything, they truly worked specifically to provide a better life for their future families. These men worked for their future, and were serious about it. After all, they understood exactly what it took to raise up a family, so they were actively engaged in constructing the foundation that they were to live upon.

3) These men knew how to treat their women.
-They took their women wherever their hearts so desired (within reason, of course) and didn't complain one bit. When there was a disagreement between the two, they never publicized the interaction, but quietly settled the difference peacefully, and with the utmost respect. They would consistently shower their women with small little acts of kindness and love throughout the time they were together- i.e. holding their hand.. bringing them some water... kissing the tops of their head... you know.. little things. The kind of things that keep the fire burning. They weren't focused on being the macho-I-gotta-show-her-I-wear-the-pants-man. They took a more gentle approach when addressing and dealing with their women.

When I observed these interactions, I saw how amazingly beautiful they were... of course no one is perfect, I'm sure they have their quarrels and whatnot, but it was exquisite to see how pure their love looked... juxtaposed to the fickle and often fleeting relationships that we witness on a daily basis back in the states.

And then some things came to my mind. Most of these people were around my age. Back home,  you won't find too many people our age committing to a relationship- let alone marriage. 

So what is the difference? I don't know. Maybe our priorities aren't where they need to be. We're too focused on non-factor things that are in no way shape or form going to be of any benefit to us in our futures. We're too focused on superficial materialism, that we forget that one day not too far from today, these things really won't matter when we're attending the 10th wedding of those who decided to take their love lives seriously. Here's the thing- when you are so focused on someone's "appearance" at the moment, what will you have to hold your relationship together 60 years from now? There must be a deeper connection. You must be attracted to something that isn't fleeting.. that won't die with age... and character is one of those things. Because all that perks, must come down. Come on guys. It's time to wake up, sober up, and grow up. 

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life:

1) Instagramming your new LV Bag
2) Facebooking/Instagramming your new makeup pack
3) Showing off your new ride that you can't really afford but just have because it makes you look good to the outsiders
4) Quoting things like "turnt up" "turn down for whaaaaa""I woke up in a new buggatti" (when you know you can't even afford the jet fuel that this car needs to function)
5) Dating people just because they're a "good look"
6) Dating people you have no intention of building a future with
7) Partying with people who could not care any more about you- and who would be the first to jet when feces hit the fan
8) Tweeting about change instead of actively pursuing it
9) Posting ads up for the kind of women/relationship you want in those little quote picture things on IG
10) Or anything else that will make you have a "Sugar Honey Ice Tea" moment when you realize you're 35, single, and unable to be taken seriously by those around you.

Let's just be real. I challenge each and every person to sit down and actually reflect. Only because I believe that successful reflection brings upon active change. Think about the things that you have been focusing on as of lately. If these things aren't going to propel you to new heights, then leave them be. Leave behind the childish things, and actively pursue happiness. True, unadulterated, genuine happiness. Stop looking for that woman who has a different weave on every week, or the newest pair of Js, or even the best makeup or outfits- because in all honesty? Here's something you're gonna have a rude awakening about- if you so choose to stay with these females- you're gonna end up dishing a LOT of your money and time on them just to 1) Keep their attention 2) Keep them looking as good as they were when you first met them and 3) Keep them satisfied. but also remember... money can't buy unvarnished love..

Search for the humble, meek woman, who is more concerned with her relationship with God, studies, and her career than with the clothes she wears... find that woman who will love you for who you are, and not who she thinks you are, or who you try to be. Find that person who can intellectually stimulate you, rather than stimulate uncontrollable thoughts in your mushroom tip. Just know- one of the most amazing things that could ever  happen in this life happens when you find the one who reflects Christ's love to you, and who you are able to give your bona fide love to.

Wake up. Sober up. Grow up.

-Alda.

I caught myself reading an ancient copy of The Readers Digest Treasury of Wit and Humor, and I found something rather amusing, but that simultaneously held some truth to it. Or did it?

The excerpt from Look featured Cyd Charisse, on "How to Handle men: 

1) Treat as any pet.
2) Three meals a day
3) Plenty of affection
4) A loose leash
5) Do not disturb while eating."

While rather humorous, I do believe that this may savor a grain of veracity within its simple formula for pleasing men. Upon first glance, a man might simply agree to these terms and conditions, but even so, there is still an air of mystery when it comes to the male species. They seem too simple, therefore must be complex, and this seems too good, therefore must be untrue.. Whatever the case, I really don't know the answer. I can't say I understand men to a "T".  I'm not a psychologist. I'm just a po' lil college student tryna get by. And it's way past my bedtime.

#SomethingToPonder